1. "The Night." "The World of Tevill." "Freds: everything you ever wanted to
know but were afraid to ask." "Dreams." "Personal Information." And, of course,
"Links." For ten points, these are all sections of what unfinished work designed
Answer: his _WEB PAGE_ (If anyone says "Distant places" -- which is its
actual name-- accept the answer, but give the player a long, cold stare)
2. Sure Fred went to Catholic school, but we all know that that's not
_really_ his religion. He not only belongs to another church -- he's even been
ordained. FTP, name the web-based church that counts Fred among its
Answer: the _UNIVERSAL LIFE CHURCH_
3. Wide right! Wide right! Continue to chant it and strike pain into Fred's
heart! FTP, name the Buffalo Bills kicker who missed what would have been the
game-winning field goal against the New York Giants in the 1991 Superbowl.
Answer: Scott _NORWOOD_
4. Fred certainly isn't a Republican. He isn't the most loyal Democrat
either. FAQTP, for what third-party candidate did Fred cast his first
Answer: Ralph _NADER_
5. Warning: two answers required. They are both originally from the Boston
area, though one's family has since relocated to California. One is a
mathematics major; one is an engineering major. Neither is single. FTP, name
these two men, the only people Fred has lived with during his time at Swat.
Answer: Dylan _HUMPHREY_ and Dan _EISENBUD_
6. For this man, basketball is a family vocation: his father is head coach at
New York's Genesee Community College, and his brother is an assistant coach of
the Miami Heat. He was a graduate assistant to Rick Pitino when Providence made
the Final Four, and has been an assistant coach at Providence and Rutgers. FTP,
name this former coach of McQuaid Jesuit High School, Fred's alma mater, and
current head coach of the New York Knicks.
Answer: Jeff _VAN GUNDY_
7. Frank Gifford and Ricardo Montaban discuss dental care; John Denver asks
us to plant trees; and the Scientologists pitch Narc-a-non. FTP, these are PSAs
played on what college radio station of which Fred is a board member?
8. In 1994, it was a piece of orange construction fence. In 1995 and 1996, it
didn't exist, and in 1997 it was a Seventies fashion statement modeled after an
eponymous cartoon character. For ten points, what noted yearly statement of Fred
have we just described?
Answer: Fred's _HALLOWEEN COSTUME_
9. Fred wants to be a veterinarian because he loves children. He can't spell
Ferrari, but he drives a Porsche. Don't you wish you were him? FAQTP, why?
Answer: _CAUSE HE'S A BLOND_ (before last word, accept "CAUSE I'M A BLONDE,"
the name of the song)
10. He made several television appearences in 1997 and currently resides in
Los Angeles. He once said he'd pay Fred and Joe money if he could watch them
sleep together. FTP, name this man, former Swarthmore College Bowl President,
now a graduate student in mathematics at UCLA.
Answer: Pat _FRIEL_
11. He shares his first name with Mr. Bush, and -- also like Fred -- he's an
ordained minister. Instead of wearing a Swarthmore sweatshirt, however, he's
more frequently seen in a zip-up sweater. FTP, name this PBS television
Answer: _MR. ROGERS_
12. Warning: two answers required. FAQTP, name both of Fred's advisors, the
chairs of their respective departments in Psychology and English.
Answer: Deborah _KEMLER-NELSON_ and Craig _WILLIAMSON_
13. The novelist Oscar Hijuelos, the recently deceased Jorge Mas Canosa, and
the revolutionary Jose Marti. FTP, these people all have, like Fred, a
connection to which island nation currently under the thumb of Fidel Castro?
14. Cramps, flatulence, bloating, loose stools, "fecal urgency," anal
leakage, and a slight aftertaste are among its more common side-effects, and
without supplemental vitamins, carotenoid deficiencies and a failure to absorb
vitamins A, D, E, and K are also somewhat likely. The benefits: it slightly
lowers blood cholesterol, doesn't lead to the absorption of calories or fat into
the body, and tastes just like fat. FTP, name this fat subsitute, approved by
the FDA and much discussed by Fred.
15. FAQTP, within 30 miles, how far is it to Boston?
Answer: _326_ (accept 296-356); accept "a little over 200 miles" (or the
equivalent) if given convincingly by Fred
16. The last episode of "Absolutely Fabulous" featured two minor characters
trying to infiltrate this group to get a movie deal with John Travolta, or at
the very least Kirstie Alley. FTP, name this group, Germany's least favorite and
Fred's most favorite offshoot multimillion-dollar quasi-religion, founded by L.
17. "Food, Glorious Food." "What's a Cooper?" "Nuclear Prospects and the
Fission Blues." "Computer Lab to Come with Spring." "Old Pros Lead Debators in
SCSC Fray." "Morgan Tenure Decision -- Review of Aftermath." "Blackburn Heads
Sub Search." "Honors Review: Faculty Speaks." And "Swine Flu Comes to Swarthmore
(In Little Vials)." FTP, all of these are headlines in what Swarthmore
newspaper's issue the week of Fred's birth?
Answer: the _PHOENIX_
18. In the 1840s, this city won world-wide fame from a series of seances led
by Margaret and Kate Foxborough; in the 1850s and 1860s, it was a terminus of
the Underground Railroad, the city where Frederick Douglas published The North
Star, and the home of Susan B. Anthony. Located on Lake Ontario, it is also the
site of the headquarters of both Kodak and Xerox. FTP, name this New York city,
which counts Fred among its 230,000 residents.
19. FAQTP, what is Fred's middle name?
20. No, he isn't related to Fred, and even if he were, he almost certainly
wouldn't remember Fred's birthday. After all, on September 7, 1988, he
admonished a group of veterans for forgetting that it was Pearl Harbor Day in a
speech lamenting America's declining patriotism. FTP, name this former President
of the United States.
Answer: _GEORGE_ Herbert Walker _BUSH_
(Editor's note: for those of you reading this on the web who weren't at the
party, Fred's birthday is Pearl Harbor day; hence, the connection in the
1. Mr. Bush may be the Swarthmore Fred you know best, but he certainly isn't
the only one. Answer the following questions for the stated number of
a) One of them likes James Joyce, John Cage, and Kenzaburo Oe, and is known
for the quotation "I may be a Quaker, but I'm still a fascist." The other was
famed on his freshman-year hall for going to bed each night at 9:30. The two
were room-mates, and are now the only other Freds in the Swarthmore student
body. F5PE, name them.
Answers: Fred _VEITH_, Fred _GERSON_
b) There are also two professors named Fred. One of them teaches economics
part-time when he isn't advising the Ukrainian government or giving his students
F+s, and the other can be found in Hicks. FTPE, name them.
Answers: Frederic _PRYOR_, Frederick L. _ORTHLIEB_
2. Fred, as we all know, loves to read science fiction when he should be
doing work; a couple years ago, he even ranked his favorite books. Place the
following books in order of how much Fred likes them, from least to greatest,
F5PE and a five point bonus for all correct:
Phases of Gravity, by Dan Simmons; Startide Rising, by David Brin;
Foundation's Edge, by Isaac Asimov; Ringworld Engineers, by Larry Niven; The
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams
Answer: Foundation's Edge (6), Ringworld Engineers (7), Phases of Gravity
(8), Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (9), Startide Rising (10)
(Editor's note: No, I'm not making this up. I got it from his web page)
3. Every Sunday night at 9:00, Fred hosts the radio show Botticelli on WSRN.
Answer the following questions about the artist Sandro Botticelli FTPE:
a) Botticelli was a student of this Florentine monk and painter.
Answer: Fra Lippo _LIPPI_
b) The Primavera and The Birth of Venus, his masterpieces, are now housed in
this Florence art gallery.
Answer: the _UFFIZI_
c) The Punishment of Korah, Dathan, and Abiram was Botticelli's contribution
to the walls of this chapel.
Answer: the _SISTINE CHAPEL_
4. "Minus 5." These words are very familiar to anyone who's played college
bowl with Fred. Answer the following questions FTPE:
a) Most people don't know the name of the current governor of Michigan. Even
fewer people associate him with Karl Marx. Just this week, however, Fred gave
this answer to a question involving what literary partner of Marx?
b) For ten points, what member of the British royal family did Fred refer to
as "Big Boss Man" on the MSNBC-TV game show "Remember This?"
Answer: Prince _PHILIP_
c) When Fred heard a question beginning, "Hitler referred to it as the
largest impenetrable POW camp in Europe," he buzzed in with what answer?
5. Answer the following questions about conspiracy theories for the stated
number of points:
a) Pat Robertson claims that this secret society wants to rule the world.
Answer: The _ILLUMINATI_ (Also accept Jews, Liberals, Freemasons, Normal
People, and so on...)
b) This former press secretary to JFK claims that TWA flight 800 was shot
down by friendly fire.
Answer: Pierre _SALINGER_
c) According to its web page, it "was formed in 1973 by private citizens of
Japan, Europe and North America to foster closer cooperation among these
principal democratic industrialized areas with shared leadership
responsibilities in the wider international system." Conspiracy buffs claim that
it wants to conquer the world.
Answer: the _TRILATERAL COMISSION_
6. Given lyrics from a They Might Be Giants song, name the song FTPE, or FFPE
if you need the album the song comes from.
For 10: "Ads up in the subway are the work of someone / Trying to please
For 5: They Might Be Giants
Answer: _PUT YOUR HAND INSIDE THE PUPPET HEAD_
For 10: "We could fly like birds in the air / We could walk but we'd never
For 5: John Henry
Answer: _AKA DRIVER_
For 10: "Would you mind if we balance / this glass of milk / where your
visiting friend / accidentally was killed?"
For 5: Flood
Answer: _SOMEONE KEEPS MOVING MY CHAIR_
7. Answer the following questions about other well-known Freds FTSNOP.
a) For 5 points, name the senator from Tennessee leading an inquiry into
Answer: Fred _THOMPSON_
b) For 10 points, he had three sons and invented Flubber.
Answer: Fred _MACMURRAY_
c) And for 15 points, he may be Chico, but he doesn't know what his son did
Answer: Freddie _PRINZE_ (Senior)
8. Fred has recently been reading the works of Will and Ariel Durant. Given a
work, F5PE, say whether it was written by Will, Ariel, both, or neither.
a) The Story of Philosophy Answer: just Will
b) The Age of Napoleon Answer: both
c) The Revelation of St. John Answer: neither
d) Rousseau and Revolution Answer: both
e) Caesar and Christ Answer: just Will
f) Boswell's Life of Johnson Answer: neither
9. As everyone knows, Fred loves terrible movies. FTPE, given a summary of
the plotline, name the awful, awful movie.
a) "Unspeakable horrors from outer space paralyze the living and resurrect
the dead!" in this 1958 film familiar to anyone who's seen Ed Wood.
Answer: _PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE_
b) The plot of this 1964 movie, which stars John Call as the title character,
Bill McCutcheon as Dropo, and Pia Zadora as Girmar, features the following
"Betty: What are those funny things sticking out of your head?
Rigna: Those are our antennae.
Betty: Are you a television set?"
Answer: _SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS_
c) "God made him simple. Science made him a god. Now, he wants revenge." FTP,
name this 1996 sequel starring Patrick Bergin, Matt Frewer, and Austin
Answer: _LAWNMOWER MAN 2_: Beyond Cyberspace
10. Answer the following questions about Fred's girlfriend FTSNOP.
a) Jess is from Atlanta. For five points, name her congressman, or, for ten
points, name either of her two senators.
Answer: (HR) Newt _GINGRICH_ (Senate) Max _CLELAND_ or Paul _COVERDELL_
b) Jess will be spending next semester in Grenoble, France. FTP, in what year
did Grenoble host the Winter Olympics?
c) Jess was really happy on November 16, because this man got out of prison
and came to the United States. FTP, name this man, the most famous of China's
leading democracy activists.
Answer: _WEI_ Jingsheng
11. FTPE, answer the following questions about Fred's ex-SWIL-co-president,
a) First, on what night is Joe's weekly shuttle shift?
Answer: Second, ten points all or nothing, name the other two co-presidents
of SWIL along with Joe this year.
Answer: Melissa _BINDE_ and Erik _ROSOLOWSKY_ (Also accept Abort and
Answer: Third, Joe throws a napkin at Kyla at an initial velocity of 2 feet
per second. Kyla is 5.5 feet away. What velocity will the napkin be traveling at
when it hits her? Assume no loss due to friction or gravity.
Answer: _2 feet/second_ (If Joe says he never throws napkins at Kyla, deduct
ten points for outright lying.)
12. No Fred packet could be complete without a question on patron saints.
Identify the following saints FTPE:
a) When the members of the college bowl team decide that they need to stop
Fred from negging, they pray to this man, the saint of lost causes.
Answer: Saint _JUDE_
b) When Fred wakes up in the morning and can't find his shoes, he prays to
this saint, the saint of lost property.
Answer: Saint _ANTHONY_
c) Fred's mom isn't a saint, but the Emperor Constantine's was! Name her.
Answer: Saint _HELENA_
13. It's time to honor Fred's favorite Canadian comedy group, The Kids in the
Hall. FTPE, given a description of a recurring character, name the character,
FPE if you need the name of the actor who played that particular character.
For 10) She once worked on a phone-sex line and later went in search of the
home in which she was born.
For 5) Mark McKinney
Answer: the _CHICKEN LADY_
For 10) He coached a women's softball league team and hit a game-winning
homer for them. He wound up in jail for murdering a drag queen, but was released
by a lenient judge.
For 5) Scott Thompson
Answer: _BUDDY LOVE_
For 10) He once had a confrontation with Satan. He also had an epiphany when
his girlfriend dumped him, and told a pigeon, 'You may be free like her, but
you're not... Laura."
For 5) Bruce McCulloch
- Okay, if you've scored no points so far you can make up 15 points by naming
the Kids' disaster of a movie, released last year.
Answer: _BRAIN CANDY_
14. Fred can usually kick butt at Monopoly, so let's see if he can kick butt
on a Monopoly bonus. Answer the following questions FTSNOP.
a) For 5 points, if you land on Income Tax on your first move of the game,
should you choose to pay ten percent or $200?
Answer: _10 PERCENT_ (You save $50.)
b) For 10 points, how much money do you collect for winning 2nd prize in a
Answer: _10 DOLLARS_
c) And for 15 points, all or nothing, give any two of the three times in
which you can roll doubles and not get to roll again.
Answer: (any two) _ROLL OUT OF JAIL, ROLL THIRD PAIR OF DOUBLES, GO BANKRUPT_
15. When I say FB, you think, Fred Bush. But, for ten points apiece, name
these other famous men with the initials F B.
a) He's a Republican sleaze artist who produced the famous 1988 Willie Horton
Answer: _FLOYD BROWN_
b) This American chaired the four-man panel of judges at the Nuremberg War
Answer: _FRANCIS BIDDLE_
c) This Elizabethen philosopher wrote Novum Organum and The Advancement of
Answer: _FRANCIS BACON_
16. FTPE, given a discription of Fred acting weird, diagnose him.
a) Fred alternates between a catatonic state and periods of manic antisocial
behavior. He sometimes claims the government has planted a microchip in his
Answer: _SCHIZOPHRENIA_ (accept PARANOID SCHIZOPHRENIA)
b) Fred is locked in his room and tortured at random times. When the door is
unlocked, he does not leave the room even though the torture will stop as soon
as he does.
Answer: _LEARNED HELPLESSNESS_
c) Fred keeps an erratic sleep schedule, misses classes, rants about
conspiracies and Scientologists, survives on ramen and Oreos for days on end,
and plays games with little green men.
Answer: _THAT'S JUST FRED_ (accept equivalents)
17. Fred loves mass murder. FTSNOP, given a description, name the mass
For 5) His recipe for Kool-Aid proved unpopular after the first 900 or so
people sampled it.
Answer: Jim _JONES_
For 10) He recently declared himself a born-again Christian and wishes to
apologize for randomly shooting New Yorkers in the late 1970s.
Answer: David _BERKOWITZ_ or _SON OF SAM_
For 15) Upon the conquest of Jerusalem in 1099, he and his co-Crusaders
ordered all Jews sealed up in the Temple and had it burned.
Answer: _GODFREY OF BOUILLON_
18. Fred is pretty great, but he's not the greatest. For ten points apiece,
answer these questions about the real Frederick the Great.
a) What German kingdom did Frederick rule?
b) What was his ordinal number among the Prussian Kings Frederick?
c) To what famous Prussian family did he belong?
19. We decided to write a bonus on all the stupid things we talked about
while writing this packet. Answer the following questions F15PE.
a) We were going to write a question on Fred's initials, but the only person
we could find who shared all of them was this congressman from Florida, a Blue
Answer: F. Allan _BOYD_
b) Ed named his computer, which makes funny noises under Jess's touch, after
this man, a prominent member of FDR's Brain Trust who attended Swat on a
Answer: Leon _HENDERSON_
20. The authors of this packet have determined that Fred owes certain people
quite a bit. For 15 points each, to whom does Fred owe the following things?
a) 4 pizzas
Answer: _JOSH AND ED_
b) his ass